Relapse
by Jana Girl123
Summary: A tradgic event sends Question spiraling out of control leaving him broken with his life on the line as Huntress tries to pick up the pieces and put him back together again. HQ
1. Relapse

**A/N I don't own anyone. Darn, now you all know my dirty little secret.**

**Warning: This story contains semi-mature content do to the implied use of drugs. It's borderline M rating, but it won't be so graphic you'll have nightmares. This is a dark-fic though, so if you want a nice little fluffy fic this won't exactly be it.**

**Pairings: Huntress/Question, possible Batman/Wonder Woman**

* * *

Three messages.

That's why she was here. Three new messages on her phone. From Vic.

Three stupid messages because she couldn't answer the damn phone because she was almost on the damn plane and figured it could wait fourteen hours.

Helena had never felt so guilty.

Why? Because Vic might die because of _her._ Because she didn't answer her freaking phone her baby might not ever hold her close again. All because she didn't just pick it up.

She felt numb as she watched the nurses and doctors run around like chickens without heads not even knowing why she was here. Well, she knew why she was here; because of Vic. But she didn't know why _he _was here.

She knew that he knew that what he was going to do was going to be possibly lethal. She could tell by the sound of his voice and the way he was speaking to her.

The first message; "_Uh, Helena, I know I'm not supposed to call you while you're away on your school trip to Europe but, uh, I just need to talk to you, okay? Just for a few minutes, please? It's important but, it's-it's okay if you can't."_

He sounded a little off. Almost nervous, but not to the point of worry.

The second message came about three hours later. _"H-Helen, baby, I need to talk to you soon, okay? S-something happened while you were away and it's just...I-I'm beginning to doubt everything's real and I just need to hear your voice. Soon, please."_

He sounded desperate and scared. Like something was going terribly wrong and she was the only one who could stop it.

The last message; _"G-God I'm sorry about this Helena, so, so sorry but it-it'll be okay now. I'll be okay now. Just need this. So sorry Helen, God I never wanted you to find out, not like this but-God I'm so, so sorry, please know that. Please remember that because I-I don't know if... I just need it so bad and I-I love you Helena, honestly. I just thought that if I talked to you that maybe I could...No use. Need it. Sorry, God, I'm so, so sorry."_

He sounded so guilty, at the verge of tears. She'd never heard him sound so desperate, either.

She was scared to think about what he needed so badly.

"Are you Ms. Bertinelli?" A doctor asked poking his head through the door.

"Wh-Yes." Helena said jolted out of her guilty thoughts. "Why's he here? What the hell is going on?"

"Sorry, that's classified information, but I'm sure if-"

"Tell me!" She demanded.

"I-I can't ma'am. All I'm allowed to say is the likely hood of the patients survival."

She felt her knees weaken; doctors only allowed that if the patient was in critical condition. _Why did he-I mean how did-What? _"What?" She choked out.

"I'm only allowed to say the-"

"I heard what you said!" She snapped. "What is it?"

"What's what?"

"What do you think you flipping moron; the likely hood!" Helena snarled.

"W-Well I don't think you should know in such a fragile state-"

She grabbed the doctor by his collar and slammed him against the wall. "If you don't tell me right now we'll see just how 'fragile' of a state I'm in!" She threatened. Why wasn't anyone telling her anything?

"W-Well if you couple the deteriorating of the valula-"

"Numbers, doc, give me numbers!" She shouted furiously.

"Well, there-there's an 80% chance he won't make it." The doctor said quickly.

Helenas' eyes went wide with shock as she let go of the mans collar while he scrambled away down the hall. Vic might _die_? There might not be a semi-psychotic, paranoid, red-head conspiracy theorist laying next to her when she woke up anymore? Her babydoll might just...die?

"N-no." She mumbled into the empty hallway. "There's gotta be a mistake or something..."

"There isn't a mistake." Someone said behind her. "I don't make mistakes."

She closed her eyes and curled her fists. No way could she do this now, no way in hell could she deal with the goddamn Batman when her Q might not live to see another day.

"What the hell do you want?" She spat, not turning around.

"Do you know why you're here?" Batman suddenly asked, ignoring her question.

"Because Q's here." She said wondering how such a smart man could be so dumb.

"But do you know why he's here?"

"No one will tell me, so no, I don't!" She half-shouted.

"He suffered a relapse. Something set him off." Bruce continued.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Helena demanded.

"Vic had a relapse." Bruce repeated.

"Oh you _cannot _be serious!" Helena exploded. "As much as I appreciate you coming here and screwing with me I need to find out why the hell Vic's here!"

"He didn't tell you, did he?" Batman continued, that slight note of smugness threatening to send Helena off the edge.

"Tell me what? How he manages to some how put up with you League idiots?" She huffed. "Quit wasting my time."

"Not to long ago, Vic was very, very into drugs. Heroin, Marijuana, Cocaine, Valium, Ganja, over the counter pills, everything and anything he could get. He quit, obviously, but he had a relapse, which is why he's here."

"And you expect me to believe that?" Helena glared. "Do you know how much trouble I went through to get him to even take the freak'n pain killers after Cadmus? The man doesn't even like getting shots at the doctors' office and you expect me to believe he's a junkie?"

"Did you ever think it was because it might have stirred up some old memories?" Batman inquired.

"Look, I'm the Huntress; I deal with addicts all the time. Don't you think I would have noticed if he started smoking it up in our living room?"

"Was. He _was_ a junkie." Batman frowned. "We all know Vic's a little strange, so it wouldn't be that surprising if you never noticed."

Huntress clenched her teeth. "Vic tells me everything, okay? I'm pretty sure something that important would have came up eventually. Trust me, I know Q like the back of my hand and everything about him. I would have known that."

"Everything?" Bruce raised an eyebrow. "Do you know that his real name is-"

"Charles Victor Szazs, yeah, he told me." Helena said.

"Did he tell you where he grew up?"

"Yeah, The Hub, in some orphanage. That's why I was spared the whole 'meeting the parents' thing."

"Are you sure you _really _know that?"

"Well I suppose you just know _so _much about him?" She snarled. "Vic told me how you've barely said three words to him since he and I started dating _three years ago_!

"Interesting. Did he tell you about how he managed to get into college on his own before getting kicked out after a fight because he was on a high? Did he tell you who made his mask or-"

"Vic went to college?" Helena blurted before she could stop herself.

Batman grinned slightly. "See, you don't know him as well as you think you do."

Helena bit her lip. "Shut up. Just because he didn't say that he went to college doesn't mean he did drugs."

"Do you know who brought him here?"

She ignored the feeling of dread in her stomach. "Who?"

"Me. Know how I found him?"

Helena was silent.

"In a corner of your apartment nursing a needle in his arm. Do you know what was in that needle?"

_Silence._

"Heroin. Enough to make an active addict feel a little sick, and for someone who hadn't taken it in years it's enough of a dose to kill them. He should be happy I found him when I did."

"What, do you want a thank-you note or something?" She was surprised at how strong her voice was, because suddenly she felt very weak.

"No. But I suggest you learn a little more about your boyf-Vic."

"You can't even say 'boyfriend', can you?" Helena asked, changing the subject. "Because even though we've been together three and a half years you can't except us a couple."

"Those three years couldn't have meant much, judging by the current situation." Batman said tonelessly. "Now as I said before, something made him spiral. I'll investigate to see if I can figure it out, but in the mean time you should poke around too."

In a small attempt at sympathy he added, "Don't be so upset he didn't tell you. He didn't tell me, either."

"Then how'd you find out?" She whispered.

His lips twitched into a small, rare grin. "I'm Batman."

_Of course you are. _Helena thought bitterly watching him leave. _But even Batman can be wrong. And I really, really hope you are._

The door opened again. "Uh, Miss, you can see him if you want. But he's in critical condition so-"

She shoved the doctor aside as she barreled into the room, unsure of what to expect.

She hand flew to cover her mouth. Vic was lying on a bed, red hair a dull mess, eyes closed and sunken in, skin so pale it was almost luminescent, and hooked up to a cluster of machines controlling his fate.

"Wha-how did he get this-what happened to him?" She whispered. "Tell me, please."

A nurse looked at her pitifully. "An overdose, sweetie. An overdose on a relapse. His body hadn't used the drug for so long, and when he got it he took too much."

"Oh." She choked out, tears in her eyes. "Is-is he going to be okay?"

"Well, there's a twenty percent chance he'll make it. And under the circumstances, that's pretty hopeful."

_Oh, Vic. _Helen thought feeling tears run down her cheeks.

_What have you done to yourself?_

* * *

**A/N This isn't going to be a super long fic, probably only 3-5 chapters long.**

**A/N Review please!**


	2. Promise's

**A/N I don't own anyone. Darn, now you all know my dirty little secret.**

**Warning: This story contains semi-mature content do to the implied use of drugs. It's borderline M rating, but it won't be so graphic you'll have nightmares. This is a dark-fic though, so if you want a nice little fluffy fic this won't exactly be it.**

**Pairings: Huntress/Question**

**Thank you for the wonderful reviews!**

* * *

Helena looked around the apartment her and Vic had lived in for almost a year and a half.

When she got off the plane, she was hoping to sneak him off into a closet in the airport and relieve the stress she'd been under for the past two weeks.

She was pretty certain there was a spare closet next to the Cinnamon bakery. Cinnamon sex sounded yummy.

She felt like she didn't even know who he was anymore. How did the same guy who held the door open for her, who liked to cuddle, and who sang freak'n pop music in the shower when he thought she couldn't hear be the same guy who was addicted to God only knew what?

Why the hell hadn't he told her, either? She would have understood, sort of.

But now she felt guilt like she'd never known because Vic had at least _tried _to call her. He had _tried_ to get her to talk him out of it. But she hadn't answered the phone because she was on the plane.

She wondered what had happened in the two and a half weeks since she'd left. It was the schools semi-annual class trip to Europe, and this year she'd been guilted into going and babysitting her brats. The rules were simple; stay with the group, don't get lost, and no calls to anyone out of the country.

Including Vic.

Two and a half weeks wasn't exactly years, but a lot could happen in a short period of time. What had set her babydoll off? Was it a reaction to an accident or something League related? What?

She fought back a scream. Why couldn't she have something that just told her what the hell had happend. _Ugh, if he wasn't unconscious I would knock him into a coma for putting me through this. _Helena thought, frustrated.

Something to record things.

Something to...

Waitaminute! Didn't Vic have a journal thing he wrote in?

Helena considered this for a moment. Once she had caught him scribbling down some notes and asked him why he wasn't typing it up like he normally did. Q told her that this was a bit more private and he didn't want to risked getting his computer hacked.

So where the hell did he hide the damn thing?

She contemplated this for a moment. He wouldn't put it in the kitchen or the bathroom (at least she hoped), and he wouldn't put it in the basement that she used as a gym; so that left their bedroom or his office.

She quickly went into their bedroom and felt a pang of sadness when her eyes fell on the bed. They had a lot of good times in that bed and made an unholy amount of love in it. And on the dresser, and against the wall, and on the floor, but mainly in the bed.

They might never get to do that again.

Fighting back a sob at the thought, Helena began searching the room. _Ugh, I left for two weeks and he reverted back to bachelorhood. There goes three years of training down the drain... _

After a useless twenty minutes of searching in the closet and through their bedroom, she was about to give up when she checked the back of his side, well, his _corner_ of the closet and pulled out a tan, slightly beaten journal out.

Helen plopped herself on the ground and opened it up, smirking when she realized that all his private and hopefully dirty thoughts about her were going to become known.

_March 29_

_Kissed Helena goodbye at the airport today. She made me promise that I wouldn't try to kill anyone or put myself in potentially life-threatening situations while she's away, and that since the prices are murder I won't call her while she is in Europe. She also said a few other things, but I wasn't paying complete attention since I had begun to think about the prices companies charge and if they are in it with the Illuminate. I'll investigate later. I was brought back to Earth by Helena snapping her fingers in my face and reminding me to behave myself and not go running into things without thinking about it like I usually do._

_I don't know what she's talking about. I've never done anything like that._

_We embraced one more time before she got on the plane and blew me a kiss goodbye. She didn't say it, but I think she'll be glad to have a little time to herself. We've been seeing each other quite a few times a day since moving in and coming from two people who barely stand their own species it's more stressful than I thought it would be. I love Helen, but I do think it will be nice to be able to catch up on my work which I've been a tad behind on. It's not easy to concentrate when you have an incredibly sexy Italian wearing things so small they're hardly clothing on your desk saying what she wants and how she wants it or skipping the whole thing and hand-cuffing me to my chair and having her way with me._

Helena smirked, he so loved it when she did that.

_Not that I don't enjoy it. Though, I do prefer to be able to use my hands when I please her. But, as I said, now I'll have some time to get lost in my work again. Come to think of it, there's a shipment of new Nike shoes with aglets that I believe have camcorders inside them. I believe I'll investigate that tonight._

She leaned against the wall. Huh, so that's what he thought about, privet-life wise.

Huntress was about to flip over to the next page when she suddenly glanced at her watch. Shit, she's been here for almost an hour after specifically planning on not taking more than twenty minutes. She needed to get back to the hospital.

She tapped her com-link. "Terrific, beam me to Wayne Foundation Hospital in Gotham."

"What? No please?"

"Just beam me over there." Helena sighed.

"Why?"

"Because I feel the urge to get my flu shot." She spat sarcastically. "Just teleport me already!"

"Hey, ain't your kooky boyfriend there?"

"Yes, he is. And he's not a kook."

"Why's he there?"

"You're a damn genius, figure it out, and for the love of God beam me over there before I break your sorry a-"

"Okay! Jeez, you're in a mood there, Huntress." Mr. Terrific grumbled.

"Yeah." Helen whispered sadly thinking of Vic in his possible death bed. "It's a wonder why."

* * *

She sat down tiredly on a chair next to Vic, taking a moment to study him.

He looked...broken. That was the best way she could describe it. Not even Cadmus had messed him up this bad.

Fighting back a sad sigh, she opened the journal and once again began to read.

_April 5,_

_It has been a total of six days since Helena left on her school trip, but if someone saw our apartment they'd thing it had been months. I have been very caught up in my work lately and the concept of cleaning has slipped my mind. I believe I am reverting back to my natural stage of bachelorhood in a week after almost a year and a half of Helen training me._

_Helena will be horrified._

_On that note, I am beginning to miss her. I suppose this was inevitable and very predictable, but at the same time I'm a little surprised. I wonder if she is having similar thoughts regarding me._

Helens' lips twitched into a grin. Good, he missed her when she wasn't around. She'd been missing him to, but it was a bit easier to distract yourself when you had fifty teenagers and pre-teens to look after on another continent.

And he was right, she was pissed that all her training and efforts were wasted. Of course at the moment, she'd forgive him instantly as long as he was okay.

_I was also wrong about the Nike's, it is the Converses that have camcorders in their aglets. However, I'm sure Nike will catch up soon. And Helen wonders why I never wear any sneakers. Also, a young girl appears to have gone missing. This is not unusual for The Hub, but I'm still going to find her and return her to her parents as quick as I can._

She reached to turn the page when suddenly an alarm went off on one of Q's monitors.

Helena jumped up as a cluster of nurses and doctors rushed in and began pressing buttons while calling out orders.

"What the hell is happening?" Helen cried as a doctor stuck a needle in her babydoll's arm.

"His heart gave out for a moment." The doctor explained. "The good news is it started right back up. The bad news is that his survival chance dropped down to only ten percent."

Her legs felt like rubber, as if she would collapse at any second. Taking a deep breath, she wobbly sat back down on the chair. "What does that mean?"

"Well, put it this way, there's ten cards; nine of them are Jokers and the other's an Ace. The chance of him making it is the chance of you picking the Ace."

"Oh." Helena choked out, refusing to cry.

The doctor looked at her sympathetically as he and the team of nurses left the room. "I would start thinking about maybe saying your goodbyes before it's too late."

Helen numbly nodded as he exited the building. Was-Was he really not going to make it?

She let out a small whimper. God, how she wished this was some terrible joke the League was playing on her and that Q would sneak up behind her and hug her tight, whispering it was all a joke and that he was fine.

Sure, she'd kick his ass if it was one, but she'd take it over this in a heartbeat.

Taking a shaky step up, she got off the chair and slowly walked towards his bed before sitting down at the edge and taking off her shoes. She lifted the sheet and got under it quietly, wrapping one of his arms around her shoulders and laying slightly on top of him, holding him protectively.

"You idiot." She whispered. "Putting me through this and scaring me."

She felt tears threatening to fall before she could stop them. "Q, baby, you have to listen to me, okay? I-I know you tried to call and I'm so, so sorry I wasn't there to answer. But, you have to wake up and be okay, for me. You promised, remember?"

She took a shaky breath before continuing. "We were at my parents graves and you-you saw me crying. So you held me really tight and said that it was okay and that you were there and you were never going to leave."

Helena closed her eyes as tears fell down her face. "You promised that you'd always be there when I cried and that you'd make me feel better, remember? And I believed you, I probably shouldn't have, but..."

She wiped away a few tears with her sleeve. "Well Vic, I'm crying now and you need to get better for me so I stop like you promised. I love you, dummy, okay? And I know you love me to so you have to do what you promised, got it?"

If she was expecting a response she was severely disappointed. He didn't even move.

"Yeah, I know. You would if you could." She sighed brushing a stray strand of red hair from his face.

She curled up next to him and held him as tightly and protectively as she could, as if she held onto him tight enough then he wouldn't be able to leave her.

* * *

**A/N I'm still not 100% sure if Q's going to live or not.**

**A/N SO sorry for the delayed update, I'll be quicker next time.**

**A/N Review please!**


	3. Nightmares

**A/N I don't own anyone. Darn, now you all know my dirty little secret.**

**Warning: This story contains semi-mature content do to the implied use of drugs. It's borderline M rating, but it won't be so graphic you'll have nightmares. This is a dark-fic though, so if you want a nice little fluffy fic this won't exactly be it.**

**Pairings: Huntress/Question**

**Thank you for the wonderful reviews!**

* * *

Helena looked up at Vic.

He still looked terrible; there was no denying that. His bright red hair was dull, eyes sunken, the sound of his ragged breathing echoing around the room.

She took his hand in hers.

Cold. It was so, so cold. She loved Vic's hands, how warm and big they were. How amazing it felt to have them explore her body. That he always touched her so intimately and deeply.

But now they felt lifeless. She rubbed her thumb over his knuckles fighting back a sigh. This felt to much like Cadmus; all the scared feelings, her babydoll being immobile, those annoyingly warm and gentle ways she kept touching him to make sure he was alive.

She was going to kick his ass into Toronto for putting her through this twice.

With a sigh, she opened the journal and once again began reading.

_April 7,_

_Today I failed at the ultimate price. That little girl I was going to find; I found her alright. Dead. Murdered. Butchered to death in an alleyway, blood covering the walls with her small, lifeless body badgered beyond recognition. It looked like a scene from a horror movie._

Helens' hand covered her mouth. That poor, poor baby. She gritted her teeth, Q better have beaten the crap out of the bastard who did this to her.

_And it's _my _fault, all of it. I could have saved her, I should have saved her. But I wasn't quick enough. I-I was too slow and now two parents lost their only child because of me. A little girl is never going to grow-up and get married or have her own little girl, and every bit of it is my fault. I have failed in the worst way, a coffin rests on my conscience. Innocence was killed because I wasn't quick enough and I wasn't smart enough. _

_It was a senseless killing done for amusement and physical pleasure. A small four year-old girl was beaten, molested, and killed because I didn't get there in time. The homicidal maniac who killed her was an ordinary man. A drunk piece of slime that didn't ease up on the Vodka. The man is a bastard who has no soul or remorse. I-I'm not even sure how I managed not to kill him. Fury, failure, and angst flooded through me and the next thing I knew he was lying on the ground unconscious and paralyzed from the waist down._

_At least now I don't have to worry about him reproducing and having demon offspring. But... guilt like I have never known clouds my thoughts. I can't get any work done, and I don't think I can face people as The Question after what I did. They will all know now how much of a failure I am, especially Helen. Helena never noticed how much of a looser I am before, how I can't do anything right._

_She's going to know now._

_I am afraid it's going to be the death of us as a couple._

"Oh, Vic..." Helen murmured looking at him sympathetically.

"I'll never think that." She whispered giving his hand a squeeze.

She wondered how he could think like that. Sure, he wasn't exactly Prince Charming, but he was _hers_. And if he didn't realize how protective she was over her things by now then he must not have known her as well as he thought.

Huntress opened the journal again.

_April 9,_

_I went to the little girls funeral today. Her name was Genevieve Kirkpatrick, a pretty name for a pretty little girl. _

_It was Hell._

_The entire time rain poured down along with her relatives' tears. The atmosphere was utter angst, and it should have been. A beautiful child had her life stolen, and I only have myself to blame. I went as Vic Sage since my boss ordered me to attend and record the event for the news, something I regret agreeing too. I should have stayed home and calmed down, but I did not. As it thundered I tried to concentrate, but it did me little good. _

_I saw an enormous coffin being lowered down into the ground. They don't make coffins for children that small. Children are not supposed to be dead, they are supposed to live and be happy and free. When the coffin touched the rain-drenched ground, the child's father threw himself into the grave, weeping hysterically for his baby back. _

_It took five men to remove him._

_The mother was broken. Her eyes were empty and her face was hollow, her hair and clothes a sign that she simply didn't care anymore. Her child was dead, and so was she. The hole in her heart would never be filled, her small angel gone forever._

_It's. My. Fault._

_I should have prevented this! I should have found her immediately instead of fooling around with the Goddamn aglets! This is all because of me, every bit of it. It's my fault those poor parents lost their only child, that she will never grow-up or learn to drive or anything! It's all because of me._

_I wish my Huntress was here, my beautiful Helena. Sometimes I swear she is a Meta even though I know she isn't. Helen is a balm to my nerves, her mere presence soothes me. She'd find a way to convince me it's not my fault somehow. She's the only one that can do that to me._

_Thank God she will arrive home in six days._

Helen stared at the page. Things were making sense now, she was beginning to understand what had happened. Smiling slightly, she re-read the part about her.

That sweet man.

Huntress looked up at him again. "You'd better wake-up, Vic. Otherwise I can't 'repay' you for saying that about me." She whispered mentally adding, _And so I can put you in a coma which is hard to do if you're..._

She gulped quietly, unable to finish the thought.

_April 11,_

_I do not think I have felt such guilt ever. I can feel it slowly eating me alive, and it's-it's making me crave things I shouldn't._

_It's making me miss my drugs._

_I have been clean for almost eight years, and over those eight years there have only been a handful of times when I feel the urge to slip back into my old habits. I can think of a thousand excuses for why I did it, but the bottom line is I was young and stupid and in college. I had no family to care, so who was I really hurting? I did a lot of stupid things, unforgivable things, in my youth, but thankfully very few people know about that._

_Including Helena._

_I have come very close to telling her a few times. There have been times when we're on patrol with nothing happening or snuggled up in bed together talking about very personal things when I wished I could tell her, but I can't. I don't think I could take that look of disappointment or that sad shake of her head when she realizes that I'm not the person she wants to love._

_I love Helen. She is my angel, but I am a sinner. Deep down, I know she will probably take it in stride along with all my other quirks or simply sigh and tell me that 'No, she is not as perfect as I think she is' and 'She's done things worse than that' but I'll still feel ashamed. Her love is the most addicting drug I've ever experienced, the rush and pleasure is the greatest high I have ever felt. If you could bottle it she'd make a fortune._

_I miss my drugs, but I can take it. I have my own steps; Loose myself in my work, Think of what Helen would do if she caught me with a needle in my arm, Spend extra time on the Watch Tower, and Stay away from where I know I could easily get them._

_I believe I will stay strong._

Helen felt a rush of pride. Good, he was trying. She might have known how the story ended, but for now she was proud he was making an effort to stay clean.

_If, I mean WHEN, he gets better we're having a long talk about why it's bad to keep secrets from your very concerned and very armed girlfriend. _She thought determinately.

_April 12,_

_I believe I am slowly loosing what little sanity I may of possessed. The dream I had last night was... awful, some sort of nightmare from Hell. _

_I was so close to getting that little girl, so close. But at the last second she was shot and died right in front of me. I panicked and went to grab her limp body, but then everything changed. The little girl had red hair and brown eyes. She wasn't a little girl, she was Helena and I's little girl. She was dead. I had failed and killed our daughter. I was mourning the loss of our little life when Helena appeared next to me._

_She was crying and yelling at me that it was all my fault and now our baby was dead. I had killed our baby. I was in angst, begging her to stop and that I didn't mean to but she kept yelling and swearing. She said I had never been good enough and never would be, that there was no way she could love me. Our little girl appeared next to her crying and dead, asking 'Why didn't you save me Daddy?'. _

_Then they both left me alone in the dark._

_I believe it was a dream, I pray it was a dream. How could it be true? We don't have children and we don't want any. _

_I am still terrified that it will somehow come true._

Helena stared at her babydoll. Why the hell did his mind have to work like that? Over complicate things and make hard situations more difficult?

"I think I might need to stop hitting you on the head so hard when I get upset." Helena said quietly. "You can't afford to loose anymore brain cells, babe."

"Ahem." A nurse said poking her head through the door. "Are you Mrs. Sage?"

Helena was startled into laughter. "Wha-No, no. I'm Helena; his girlfriend not his wife."

"I'm sorry, I just couldn't imagine someone being here so much for someone unless they were married." The nurse explained.

"Just 'cause I don't have a rock on my finger doesn't mean I don't love him enough to be here." Helena said slightly offended. "Why are you in here anyways? Aside from pissing me off in my already emotional state, that is."

The nurse looked at her tiredly. "I just wanted to let you know his rate just went up. He's now at a thirty percent chance of survival."

"Yay." Helen sighed. She wasn't celebrating until it was a hundred percent and her Q was up and about.

The nurse glared at her as she left the room.

"See Q," Helen said taking his hand. "I need you here so I don't piss off people like that who want to help us, got it?"

Nothing.

Helena sighed. "I'm taking that as a yes."

* * *

**A/N Read and Review please! Well, just review since I'm hoping you already read. Damn technicalities.**


	4. Getting In Deeper

**A/N I don't own anyone. Darn, now you all know my dirty little secret.**

**Warning: This story contains semi-mature content do to the implied use of drugs. It's borderline M rating, but it won't be so graphic you'll have nightmares. This is a dark-fic though, so if you want a nice little fluffy fic this won't exactly be it.**

**Pairings: Huntress/Question**

**Thank you for the wonderful reviews!**

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"So, when you get better we're going to have a long talk, okay?" Helen said pretending Q was awake and could hear her.

_And who knows, _She thought, _maybe he can hear me. In which case maybe I should get a head start at yelling at him._

"And Viccy dearest, did I mention I'm never letting you out of my sight again?" She added.

She ignored the pain of sadness in her stomach when he was silent.

_April 13,_

_When a man goes without something he needs such as food, water, oxygen, etc. he dies. _

_I believe that is happening to me. _

_I have an ache deep within me that I can feel throughout my entire body. It's impossible to ignore and it is getting stronger with every passing moment. I can feel it eating me alive, inside and out. I need them so bad it hurts. Everyone assumes that once you manage to stay clean you never feel tempted to fall back into your old habits._

_They are wrong._

_I need something to distract me, to remind me that I'm not that person anymore. _

_I need my Helen._

_I miss her more than I thought I would. Her timing upon leaving could not have been worse if the Illuminate planned it. I feel like half of me is missing and I am tempted to replace that half with my old habits._

_It hurts wanting someone here to talk to and take out all this frustration physically. I believe I shall take her in a fit of passion up against the wall to show her how lonely I was and how much I missed her. Not to mention she'll get a kick out of it. _

Helen smirked. She would have gotten a kick out of that.

_I wish I could say that I have no desire at all to fall back into old habits and that I were stronger than I am._

_But that would be a lie._

Helen stared at the page for a moment. She could stop reading right now, she could just put the book down and walk away and never know what happened next.

It would be so much easier.

But she had to know. The truth might hurt but so what, she could take it.

Helena Bertinelli was no stranger to pain.

She sighed and looked up at Vic. If he didn't wake up soon she was going to slap him until he did and either kill him or hug him after all of this.

She needed for him to be okay.

_April 15,_

_I was in a fight today. It's not that much of a surprise, I live in the Hub where fights are as common as sidewalks. I had been on patrol making my daily rounds when I ran into a drug lord I've been looking for for over a month._

_I beat the crap out of him._

Helen couldn't help but grin. Vic might have been the sweetest guy she knew but he fought like a badass.

Well, not the first time they fought together since, as he later explained, they were fighting their own teammates. No matter how annoying those teammates might be.

She smirked, Vic was sexy when he was bad.

_After cleaning myself off and making sure most of the bloodstains were gone I quickly began to see what he had planned on releasing into my city. Checked a few crates and such, there was nothing that interesting there. After I was done, I handed it all over to Izzy and told him to get rid of it._

_'By burning it?' He asked. _

_What a smartass. He's lucky he's the only good cop in this damn city otherwise I'd have smacked him upside the head. _

_Well, I handed almost all of it over to Izzy. In one crate, there was a small dose of Heroin. Never was that into heroin, but I did get into it a little bit._

_Nothing's ever given me a rush like that before._

_Not even Helen. _

_I'm beginning to think that it might not be so bad to just have a little bit of it again._

Helen fought back a groan. That idiot, for such a smart guy he could be so stupid sometimes!

She reread the part about her feeling a tiny bit insulted.

"Not helping yourself there Q." She scowled. "I went way for two weeks and look how much trouble you got in, not to mention you insulted me, Mister. I swear, I'm going to have to get you a babysitter."

She waited for second to see what he'd do. Normally when she said that he'd scowl at her or make a 'Hurm' sound.

But now he was silent.

_April 16, _

_That whole idea of taking the dosage of Heroin... not the best idea._

"No dip, Sherlock." Helen growled.

_I put it away in my closet, far away from anyone or anything including myself. But I can hear it calling to me, begging me to just have a little bit. How bad could it hurt? Just a small bit, nothing major or harmful. I could stop, I could control myself._

_Then I think of Helena's face if she caught me. That sad, disappointed look mixed with horror and repulsion. _

_I hate that face. It means I've failed and she's finally realizing that maybe we shouldn't be together anymore and that she should find a good man, a sane man, with no hangups._

_I don't want her to think that._

_But... Helen's just a woman. I know plenty of women, none like my Helen, but plenty of women. I need it inside me flowing through my veins, distracting me from my failures. No more dead little girl staring at me when I try to sleep, no more Helen sadly shaking her head as she walks out our door, just thoughtless bliss and rush._

_The choice is impossible. I worked my ass off to get Helen to take a second look at me and I worked my ass off even harder to stay clean, but in the end, what do I have to show for myself? I live in a small apartment in a terrible town, make pitiful pay, see things no man should, have dead people haunt me when I beg for rest, and a city that no matter how hard I try is going to collapse._

_I live in Hell._

_I want my drugs. I want my Helen._

_I don't know what I want anymore._

"Why do you have to be so complicated?" Helen sighed softly. "I already said I was happy with you."

"Len."

Helena froze, did he just. . .? "Q?" She asked softly. "Are you awake?"

She watched him wide-eyed and frozen. She knew what she heard, she knew he said (or at least tried to say) something.

She got up slowly and sat on the bed. "Vic?" She murmured gently placing a hand on his face. "Are you there baby?" She slowly brushed a strand of red hair out of his face. "Vic?"

For almost twenty minutes straight she sat there waiting in silence.

She let out a disappointed sigh and once again found herself wishing she was a telepath. Not that it would do much good, being in Q's head would be like being inside a beehive. Dangerous, loud, and crazy.

"Well, you're not in a very chatty mood." She finally said. "Which sucks because I am."

She narrowed her eyes. "Unless you're purposely faking this so you can get out of me wanting to kick your ass and having a very long talk. In that case you're a dead man, Mister."

But as she watched him flinch in pain and remain silent, she knew that wasn't the case.

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**A/N Sorry these updates take forever, this story's a lot harder to write then I thought it would be.**

**A/N Only one chapter left.**

**A/N Read and Review**


	5. Recovery

**A/N I don't own anyone. Darn, now you all know my dirty little secret.**

**Warning: This story contains semi-mature content do to the implied use of drugs. It's borderline M rating, but it won't be so graphic you'll have nightmares. This is a dark-fic though, so if you want a nice little fluffy fic this won't exactly be it.**

**Pairings: Huntress/Question**

**Thank you for the wonderful reviews!**

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_April 17,_

_I give up._

_There is no fighting it and no matter how hard I try I can hear it calling to me, begging for me to give in and take it. Didn't want it to have to come to this, thought I could be stronger than this...better than this._

_Tried so hard, called Helena three damn times and nothing._

_Even she's given up on me._

_Need to stop resisting, need to give in and welcome the rush. Feel it surge through me and grant me that illusive peace my mind rarely has._

_Sorry for doing this, so, so sorry. Hurting her. Hurting Tot. Hurting everyone but don't care, need this so bad I can't stand it._

_Held it to my arm earlier, thought it'd make me snap out of it._

_Was wrong. _

_Wanted to press it as far into my arm as it would go, wanted to watch the needle disappear into my skin and feel that rush pumping through my veins. Tried so hard to fight it but what's the point? I'll just end up miserable and needy. Staying away is so easy except when it's in your fucking closet and it's all you can think about._

_I give up. _

_I'm giving in._

_I'm sorry._

Helena anxiously turned the page to read the next entry knowing full well half of what was written wasn't legible. She sighed and prepared to attempt to understand it.

"Ugh..."

Huntress froze and slowly looked up at Vic. "Q...?"

"Tired...Need to sleep." He mumbled attempting to drift off again.

"Oh no you don't!" Helen snapped slapping him on the arm and making him yelp, momentarily forgetting his fragile state.

Q blinked tiredly and looked at her, "You're back."

"Y-Yeah." She mumbled.

"Where are we?"

"The hospital." She said tonelessly.

For a second he looked at her in slight surprise in confusion until realization dawned. His gaze tore away from her and he stared at his bed sheets.

"Oh." He muttered.

"Why-I mean how...?" She trailed off, unsure of how to proceed.

Q was silent as he stared down, refusing to look at her.

"Q...Look at me." Helena demanded gently.

Vic said nothing as he stared at his sheets.

"Vic, look at me." Helen said a little more forcefully.

He continued to stare. How could he possibly look at her after failing in such an awful way? How could she expect him to see that look of repulsion and disappointment and manage to make eye contact?

"Hey," She whispered cupping his chin in her hand. "Look at me."

She tilted his head up so they were at eye-level. Vic looked at her expressionless face and choked back a sob. "I'm sorry." He whispered. "So, so sorry."

"I know." She replied quietly climbing next to him in the hospital bed.

"I-I didn't want too at first, I mean I thought if I heard your voice, that, well...It didn't work." He muttered.

She wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly. "I know, and I'm sorry too."

"W-Why?" Q asked, startled.

"I didn't answer." She explained softly. "And I'm never going to forgive myself for that."

Guilt suddenly surged through him even stronger. "N-No, don't do that. D-Don't, I-I don't want you to-God, I'm an ass." He finished shaking his head sadly a few tears slipping down his cheeks as she held him tighter.

"Don't feel bad, please?" He begged. "I-I won't be able to take it."

She kissed him softly. "Shh, Q, it's okay." Huntress soothed.

"No it's not." He argued bitterly. "Now you know and now you're going to leave me."

Helena looked at him, startled. "Why the hell would I do that?"

"Not a good man, Helen. You deserve better."

Helena scowled at him, "And you need a therapist."

"It's been said."

For a few moments they were silent, unsure of what to say or do next.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Helena asked suddenly. "I would've understood."

"I-I was afraid." Vic said quietly. "That you were going to leave me or that you'd hate me or-"

"But I don't." Helen cut in. "And you should've known that."

"Y-You're too good for me Helen. Thought if you knew that then you'd leave." He looked at her sadly. "Don't ever want you to go."

"I'm not." She assured him. Huntress looked at him sadly, "And I thought you trusted me."

"I do." He said quickly. "It's not about trust. Just, I've done so much that I regret and I-I don't deserve to be happy. Every time I feel it it never lasts."

"What, so you think we're not going to last?" She frowned.

"I-I want us to. God, I want us to, but, statistically it doesn't make sense."

"Gotta love a guy who leaves romance up to statistics." She sighed.

"I'm sorry." They both knew he wasn't just apologizing for his confidence.

"I-I tried Helena, I really did." He muttered beginning to crack. "I didn't want to and I thought I could fight it but-"

"Shh, Q." She whispered, lightly giving him a kiss.

"I-I kept thinking 'what if I took it and then you came back and we ended up in bed and you ended up pregnant?'. It-It would be a crack baby and-"

"Shhh..." She repeated soothingly as she rocked him in her arms. "It's okay, I love you."

"Why?" He asked suddenly. "I don't have any money."

"I do."

"I'm not sane." He continued.

"Neither am I."

"I-I can't give you children." He hung his head in shame. "Y-You told me you always wanted a daughter and you'll never get one. I can't even give you my goddamn sperm."

"If I ever feel the urge to mother we'll adopt." She said confidently.

He looked at her sadly. "See. You're to good for me."

She gently brushed a strand of hair from his forehead. "Guess you'll have to learn to deal 'cause you're stuck with me."

His face suddenly fell. "But what if...What if it happens again? I can't do that to you."

"If it happens again you won't have to worry about the drugs killing you." She said in an eerily calm voice. "I love you Vic, but if you do this to me again I'll kill you."

He looked at her in disbelief. "You're really staying, aren't you?"

"Yes." She said softly. "I really am."

She felt Q bury his face between her neck, lightly kissing it. "I love you so, so much Helena..."

"I know baby." She murmured wrapping her arms around his neck. "I love you too." She whispered as she held him tight.

She didn't ever want to let him go.

_End_

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